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  • To the Girl in Love With a Man Who Doesn’t Love Her

    Posted on July 4th, 2012 brenna 37 comments

    love letter


    Hey girl in love, 

    I know it’s really hard to be in love with someone who doesn’t love you back. I know how much you suffer because every time you try to move on, but then you see him again, everything comes rushing right back in. I know because every time you look into his eyes, you fall in love all over again. I know it’s hard.

    And I know it hurts.

    And I know it’s really hard to hear your friends tell you how much this person is great or not great just to make you feel better. I know how hard it must feel every time we tell you this guy is an a-hole, because deep down, you believe he’s the best guy you’ve ever known.

    I know how disappointed you are every time he comes into the room and it’s not you he looks for. But still, when he lays his eyes on you, I can feel you melting right then and there.

    I know how many times, you wonder, are you even pretty or beautiful? Because why doesn’t he love you? I know how insecure you get just because he didn’t choose you. I know how hurt you are because when it comes to him, you double think your confidence and you can’t help but believe you’re ugly.

    I can tell when you’re lying. Every time you say you’ve moved on. You’re lying because whenever we go to a restaurant where he hangs, he’s the first person you look for – even if you try not to show it.

    Every time you’re online and you’re supposed to be working. Instead, you go on Facebook, checking his page out for any updates. If that wasn’t enough, you even check out his Tumblr and Twitter too, just in case he’s posted anything that you might be able to answer. Ahh. The chance to talk to him.

    It’s all you want and frankly, you know it’s not something you need.

    Then that day, when we were meeting our group of friends? You expected him, looking anxiously at the door every 5 seconds, just to see if he’s arrived. And even if we tell you that he’s an a-hole and that he’s got someone with him, you still expect him. Then you deny it, say you’ve moved on and smile like the night is young.

    But suddenly, he arrives, another girl clinging to his arms. I know it hurt. I know at that moment, you wanted to cry so bad that you cough on your food or pretend to yawn, just to hide the tears brimming in your eyes. We ask him who’s the girl with him and he introduces us to her, including you. Then when it’s time to introduce you, you smile your brightest, not knowing that this mega-watt bright smile of yours is what gave you away. You hold out your hand to shake the girl’s hand. And it shakes a little, your reflex almost wants to bitch-slap her right then and there. But you don’t. You hold your breath, struggle to keep a steady hold and shake the girl’s hand.

    Now you can’t look at him without your lips shaking. But you do anyway, because you want to know if he’s truly in love. And when you do and you see how happy he is, your heart breaks for like the millionth time that night. And it hurts. It hurts so much you have to breathe deeply and think about the scariest movies just to get your mind off the fact that he’s there, having fun with another girl. But you hold your act.

    So when your dumbass friends start to tease them together, you play along, teasing them. In reality, you’re shaking once more and you can feel the tears brimming in your eyes. But you do it still, especially just to show your friends that you’ve moved on. You want to force them together and tease them just so you can make people believe that you’ve moved on. However, deep down inside, while you try to convince yourself that it’s your friends that you need to believe that you’ve moved on, it is YOU who needs to believe that you’ve moved on.

    After a few tries, you almost believe yourself.

    But then you look at him and you know you’re still in love.  

    I know you’re having a hard time. Because even when you deny it, you keep taking two steps backward every time you move forward. I know it must be hard to move on, girl. And I know how painful it must be to let go. I know how hurt you are at this moment. How every night, when you think about him, all you want to do is curl up like a fetus, put on the most sappy, romantic songs and cry until daylight.

    It’s tragic. It’s painful. But it doesn’t have to be.

    to the girl who deserves to be loved

    Girl, it’s hard. It’s painful. But it will be more painful if you don’t learn.

    I can see you shaking your head, telling me: “No, you don’t understand!”

    But you see, I do. I do.

    The truth is: It’s YOU who doesn’t understand.

    Girl, you’re not in a movie. You’re not in a sappy television series. He’s not going to come back to you like it usually does in the movies. And it’s a reality you’re going to have to accept – whether you like it or not, the sooner, the better. Yes, it hurts. Yes, it’s frank and I’m a bitch for telling you outright.

    But it’s true.

    Because, girl, you don’t see what I see.

    I see a beautiful girl who loves with all her heart and soul. I see a beautiful girl who puts all her efforts into the person she loves. A girl who is probably willing to die just for love.

    And that girl? That girl doesn’t deserve someone who doesn’t love her. That girl doesn’t deserve someone who doesn’t appreciate the love she can give. That girl doesn’t deserve to feel like she’s invisible and insecure, just because someone doesn’t want her. That beautiful girl who loves with all her heart?

    She doesn’t deserve to get her heart stomped on.

    That girl deserves so much more than she realizes and she spends so much time on this a-hole that she forgets to look in the mirror and tell herself, “hey girl, you’re going to be fine.”

    The girl who loves with all her heart deserves someone who will do the same for her. Someone who will worship her and adore her and not cheat on her with someone else. That girl deserves to be the ONLY choice. That girl deserves attention and care and fun.

    Because a girl who loves with all her heart deserves to laugh. She deserves to laugh so hard that she cries. She deserves to be cared for. She deserves to be given flowers and candies. She deserves to be taken on the dance floor and swung around to the beat, while she can hold onto him, knowing he won’t let her fall.

    She deserves to be told that she is beautiful. She deserves to be told “I love you” every day, even if she gets cranky and may not deserve a treat that day. She deserves to be treasured. She deserves to be loved and given pleasure because in her heart, that guy she truly falls for will probably be the only one she’ll ever be with. She deserves everything that she herself can give and will give.

    You see, if this guy cannot give you all these, then he doesn’t deserve you. So yes, he’s an as$hole and I’ll keep telling you that until the day you realize I’m correct.

    So girl in love with a man who doesn’t love you,

    You gotta remember. You’re a person too. Look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself “You’re beautiful and you deserve to be loved.”

    Then breathe.

    And go out and remember this guy you used to be in love with? He’ll regret it. Because once upon a time, a girl used to love him with all her heart and he lost her.

    Then smile.

    Because now, you’re ready to meet this one guy who will love you the same way you love him. Forever.

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    37 responses to “To the Girl in Love With a Man Who Doesn’t Love Her” RSS icon

    • Ohmaymomay. Kilala ko ba ang taong tinutukoy mo?

      P.S. First time ko sa Brenna Speaks 😛

    • A lot of my friends (and cousins) can relate to this. But hey, don’t waste your time and energy with someone who’ll never give the same attention and care back to you. For woman, I believe this is easier said than done but then, you should act and decide as soon as possible. In tagalog, mas nararapat sigurong mas mahalin mo ang sarili mo kaysa sa mga taong ipinagpalit ka na sa iba! Still your deserve the best!

    • I loooove your writings :) remember the story you emailed me? 😀

    • Love is a two way street. Sometimes, you just have to be practical and think that the longer you spend time longing for the wrong person or the person who does not love you, it just reduces you time in finding the right one who’d love you the way you deserve to be loved.

      • Also, I like how the post was written from a point of view of an observant who can be more objective with the situation and I also agree with you that she does deserve someone better.

    • Ahhhh… LOVE is LOVE. ♥

    • Why suffer for that long? He’s not the right person for you. Be brave enough to accept the truth. The right person for you is just around. Find him and you will have him.

    • Nakakarelate ako dito ha, langya ka parang bagay sa kin ang post na to.. sabi ko ayoko na maging emo.. Then , i found myself reading brennaspeaks.com Naku kaw na ang next love guru!

      • hahaha! actually teh, isa ka din sa iniisip ko nung sinusulat ko to! haha! para sayo din yan. :) kaya chino, you’ll be fine. :) you’ll find someone who deserves you.

    • I couldn’t agree more! This is so true and I know a lot of people who can really relate to this. Well written!

    • Hmmm. Masakit nga pero after ten years you’ll look back and you’ll laugh at this love experience.

    • Such hurtful events in our lives cannot be understood while they are happening but their significance will be revealed in due time.

    • hay life.. but tamang stop analyzing na lang.. move on, and as you said, breathe and smile.. as in all things this too shall pass.. the right man at the right time will come! soon..sooner!

    • indeed love had many splendore things!! you’ll feel what life is whne u fall inlove! xx

    • Love is love is love….. haay!

      Rizza (beingwell)

    • oh man… love stories… i can’t breathe now…

    • It was so heart-breaking when you love someone and he did not love you back :( .. Sometimes all you need is a little more patience and time for the one to love you back.

    • Naku, may ganyang drama din ako sa buhay non but I let go after 8 months.

    • I soooo feel you! Meron ako niligawan dati tapos basted ako. I was BFFs with depression for some time.

    • haist… ;( the sad part is, for me after a decade of trying my best to let go, his name is still the first thing that comes my mind when I wake up, first face in my mind in the morning. I am waiting for your last paragraph to happen to me.. in God’s time.. yes in God’s time. 😉

    • To have a boyfriend or girlfriend is really wonderful but it’s never a requirement.

      To those who are already blessed with someone, cherish the life being in love. And to those who haven’t had anyone, God is giving you one worthy of your love — be more faithful.

    • Heartbreakingly true.

      I love how it builds up to a message of self-empowering.

      Your words are timeless, and I feel many can relate to them. It brought me to a long time ago, when I silently suffered as a teen-ager. lol Oh, wait it happened in my college years, too.

      But yes, we will all survive an unrequited love. And end up with our true love. :)

    • nasabi mo na ata lahat… LOL. wag ipilit, i don’t think you want to be pitied upon… dami namang iba… hehehe. Yahweh bless.

    • one sided love ba ito? well, you’ll lose and you’ll learn! just make it sure na its his lost not yours! he he

    • oh yes, very well written. i have been to a lot of bad experience with my ex fiancee, ex hubby and a lot of men who i had relationship with .but as time goes by .i learned a lot out of this. Love is blind really and most can’t accept the fact that the love is only one sided and it is better to move on because somebody who is better is just around to accept and love you more.

    • unfortunately many people can relate to this. this is reality. sometimes people just have to wake up and realize that there’s someone out there who most deserve that love.

    • I guess we cannot expect people to love us back… the only thing we can do is accept the fact that we love them and just focus on our lives… coz the truth is more than anyone else… we should love ourselves best!

    • I have a friend who is in love with a guy who’s a total a-hole too. Though I get I tried to talk some sense into her, I guess her emotion is too strong for my words. I will make her read this. Hopefullly your writing can make her snap out of it :)

    • Wow! That’s a lot of emotion right there and you sure did get the message across. And this girl will find her man in God’s perfect time. :)

    • This reminds me of something in the past. Haha. Para lang tanga pag na-inlove ako before. Feeling ko yun na, hindi naman pala! :/

    • Nakaka miss ang gantong feeling haha… I hope the girl/boy will find the right person for them.

    • LOVE is a feeling with endless meaning.
      Sometimes it’s selfish but most of the time it’s giving.
      Sometimes it causes pain but most of the time it brings joy.
      You can love a person eternally without being LOVED in return but you can love more and bring out the BEST in yourself if you finally meet the ONE fated to love you back.

    • A girl deserves someone who will truly love her…she deserves a “happily ever after” ending.